Sadness and Change

It’s been a rough month. I did what addicts do. I thought everything could stay the same. I thought I could hang out with my same friends, go to the same places, live at the same breakneck pace, just minus the alcohol. I had not even fully identified my triggers, let alone addressed them appropriately. So I drank. One glass of wine with a friend. Half a bottle with a coworker after a particularly stressful day. That obviously quickly snowballed into my old habit, and it only took a week or so to get there.

A coworker of mine died this week. A friend. He was in his 30’s and he died, not in an accident or one of the usual causes of premature death. He was feeling under the weather, went to bed, and died. Two young kids and a wife. A kind, compassionate person who dedicated his life to caring for others. A person who had been sober for years.

So, I stopped drinking again. How can I continue to take my life and health for granted? How can I drink so much that I forget every evening that I spend with my family when he will never see his kids grow up?

Now I’m doing the hard work. Identifying triggers. Introspection. Changing habits. I haven’t had a drink since the night before I found out about his death. I’m dedicating my sobriety to his memory. I think he would like that.